Improve Your Conversations with Improv!
October 8, 2021
Are you looking for ways to enhance the quality of your communication with others?
Try validating, affirming, and building on what your conversation partners say.
In improvisational acting (“improv,” for short), this is a core principle, and it starts with two key words: “Yes, and.” “Yes” (or an equivalent expression) affirms the validity of what the other person just said; “and …” invites you to connect and build on that.
This “Yes” is an act of acknowledgement, not necessarily agreement. You can accept the validity of someone’s comment even if you disagree with it. If you want more satisfying conversations, hold your disagreement or differing viewpoint for a later moment, instead of spilling it immediately. A conversation is a delicate thing, worth nurturing and protecting.
Here’s an example of “Yes, and” in action. Let’s say you and I just visited an art gallery:
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
You: “Wow! I enjoyed seeing that artwork!”
Me: “Yeah, there were some dynamic pieces, and I’d like to come back.”
You: “Me too; I want to take another look at those clown paintings.”
Me: “I hear you — they were colorful, and one of them was pretty funny!”
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Smooth! We used “Yes, and” consistently, with “Yes”-equivalents “Yeah,” “Me too,” “I hear you,” and one unspoken “and.”
This conversation promises to grow into something fulfilling for both of us. We’re listening attentively to each other, choosing to respond affirmatively, coordinating our remarks, and building a coherent exchange.
Verbal collaboration takes effort, as our minds are often juggling multiple thoughts, mixed feelings, and conflicting impulses. We may want to contradict or criticize what our partners say, not realizing that such negations can erode the enthusiasm and goodwill that constructive communication depends on.
For example, consider how often we do this:
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
You: “Wow! I enjoyed seeing that artwork!”
Me: “Did you really? Actually, most of it seemed rather dull to me.”
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Oops — sorry! I flattened your “enjoyed” with my knee-jerk “rather dull” reaction. I may have even punctured your confidence and squashed what could have been a meaningful chat. The turning point was “Actually,” a modest and innocent-sounding transition that tempted me to pontificate instead of listen, affirm, and collaborate.
In improv acting, this trouble is serious: If you said enjoyed, and I said dull, then where can our scenario go? The imagined reality we could have created for an audience (or just ourselves) has collapsed; we can try to rescue or restart it, or just quit. Such negations in real life can also be serious, but participants may “grin and bear” them if they’re stuck in the situation or committed to the relationship.
Another troublemaker is “but” — often dressed as “Yes” in the phrase “Yes, but …”:
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
You: “Those clown paintings were so good!”
Me: “Yes, but the landscapes were so much better.”
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Ouch! My “but” revealed my “Yes” as a fake. Maybe I didn’t consciously mean to crush your clowns, but subconsciously I did! Watch out for this sneaky spoiler. It’s easy to deceive yourself that this “Yes” is an affirmation; it is not.
The techniques and mindset of improv are easy to learn and apply. Sprinkle some “Yes, and” into your next conversation: you may notice your partner responds happily and energetically, and your interaction takes surprising, meaningful turns!
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A version of this article originally appeared as a post in NYU’s English Language Institute blog on September 17, 2020.
What New Word Have You Learned Lately?
September 22, 2021
Alert English speakers at every level can learn new words every day. If we’re reading and listening actively, we’ll come across unfamiliar or forgotten terms. And with a little conscious effort, we can remember them long-term. We can do this by taking three simple steps.
Recently, I heard a word on the radio that I’d never heard before: janky. The speaker was describing a type of low-cost DIY (Do-It-Yourself) air purifier that people are building to help ventilate school classrooms this fall. He said the home-built purifier was a “janky box” with various filters and fans attached with tape.
“Janky”? That’s a word I’d like to know! Note-taking isn’t always convenient when we’re concentrating on listening, but this word seemed worth catching before it escaped. That’s the first step in remembering vocabulary: catch words that interest you by writing them down.
“Janky” got me scrambling for a pen because I liked its sound — JANG-key — and I wondered if its meaning might be a blend of “junky” and “jangly,” with a bit of “funky” and “wacky” mixed in. Also, the context in which it came up seemed to confirm my hunch: calling a homemade machine a “janky box” suggested it looked junky and funky, and maybe those taped-on fans and filters even jangled as they whirled and whirred!
Looking the word up, I found “janky” is a casual American adjective meaning “low quality; unreliable.” That’s pretty close to “junky” (“of poor quality or little value”), and could relate to things with metal parts that jangle (“make high-pitched metal-on-metal or harsh ringing sounds”).
But wait a minute! The speaker on the radio called those home-built air purifiers “janky,” but the report went on to emphasize how well they work — even better than expensive factory-made items. So why call them “janky”?
Since I could look up the original radio report on the internet, I could replay it and listen more carefully to the context. That’s the second step in remembering new words: notice the context in which you hear or read them.
Replaying the report, I heard the speaker’s exact words: “It looks like a sort of janky box that has ….” So he’s not saying the purifier “is” janky. Instead, he qualifies (softens) the word with “sort of” and says it “looks” janky — “like a sort of” boxy contraption — and this sort-of-janky-looking thing can clean the air in a classroom continuously for a whole school year! He’s having fun with this jaunty word, tossing it lightly at a goofy-looking gadget that turns out to be a highly effective, cost-efficient device.
Since this is my first experience with “janky,” it’s prudent for me to try using it the way I heard it. That’s the third step in remembering new words: do something with them, use them, starting in ways you’re already familiar with, in contexts similar to those in which you’ve encountered them.
So for now, I won’t call anything “janky” outright. Instead, I’ll qualify and downplay the word, and use it to describe appearances: “That looks sort of janky,” or “Well, it’s a little janky, but ….”
Dictionary.com (see source notes below) labels “janky” as slang and lists more meanings: “not working or operating properly; untrustworthy or disreputable [person]; undesirable; dilapidated, run-down.” With such negative meanings, it’s probably best for me to delay applying my new word directly to things people might actually like or value, or to people themselves!
Interestingly, “janky” is followed by “(ph)” in the transcript of the radio report I mentioned. The “(ph)” means “phonetically”: a note that the transcriber was unfamiliar with the word and guessed its spelling based on its sound. So “janky” was new to that professional listener, too.
Let’s review our three steps for reinforcing new words in your long-term memory:
-1- Catch words that interest you by writing them down.
-2- Notice the context in which you hear or read them.
-3- Use them! Aim for contexts similar to those in which you’ve encountered them.
What new word have you learned lately? What did you find attractive or intriguing about it? Asking yourself (and others) these questions makes vocabulary-building more conscious & meaningful, and prompts you to “get vocal” with your new verbal tools!
* * * * *
SOURCES: National Public Radio, Morning Edition program (NPR.com: “Delta Variant Makes It Even More Important To Have Improved Air Quality In Schools,” August 25, 2021); Google dictionary (google.com: “janky,” “junky”); Dictionary.com (dictionary.com: “janky,” “jangle”); English Wiktionary (en.wiktionary.org: “ph” [Adverb entry]).
A version of this article appeared as a post on NYU’s English Language Institute blog on September 17, 2021.
Requests for Favors: Getting to the Point
April 17, 2021
Small talk plays an important role in American culture, as we discussed in a recent post. However, too much of a good thing can backfire: that is, produce the opposite of the intended (good) effect.
When we have a special request or favor to ask of someone, starting with a little small talk is natural, but if we do NOT have a close personal relationship with that someone, it’s often useful to limit initial chitchat to 2-3 exchanges, and then introduce our request with minimal context … and ASK!
Let’s strategize about small talk first, and then the request. Why strategize? Because we’ll probably be a little nervous: asking for help from people outside our closest social circle can be psychologically demanding. This isn’t something we do every day, so choosing the right words and the right way to say them can be challenging.
If you intend to ask a favor of an acquaintance, associate, colleague, or anyone else who is NOT a close friend or relative — and especially if you haven’t spoken to this person in a long time — try to limit small talk to one minute or less (unless your partner keeps it going by asking YOU some questions).
This little bit of foresight may help you AVOID a one-sided “exchange”:
A: Hi! Long time no talk! Wow, it’s been so long since I’ve seen you! How have you been?
B: [short response]
A: Did you go anywhere for the holidays?
B: [short response]
A: So how is everything? Are you still teaching at the university?
B: [short response]
A: How’s your wife doing? Is she still in the fashion industry?
B: [short response]
A: Oh wow, that’s great! And your parents — how are they doing?
…
If you find yourself driving this kind of “interrogation,” cut it short: your partner will be relieved! Notice this example includes a couple of “dead-end” yes/no questions likely to elicit yes- or no-only responses.
But there’s an even more serious problem here: the question content may be unwelcome. Your partner may not be in the mood right now to discuss work, wife, or parents — especially if your relationship is not close. Imposing such questions could even affect how the other person responds to your eventual request.
Now let’s consider how you might structure your request. Expect to feel a little anxious (it’s normal) and do your best to push through it. Express your purpose in two very short parts — CONTEXT (essential background information, condensed into one sentence or phrase) and REQUEST:
CONTEXT: Well, the reason I’m calling you today is that I’m looking for a job and …
REQUEST: … I was wondering if I could ask you for any suggestions you might have about …
Note that the CONTEXT does not tell a long story. Long-story-SHORT — extremely short! — is our goal here.
And notice the REQUEST features indirect words to soften its impact:
I was wondering: common introductory softener; signals that a request (or other special/sensitive remark) is coming, alerting the listener to a “turn” in the conversational flow.
if I could ask you: “if” conditional, with the burden of action on the speaker “I” asking, not the listener “you” giving (NOT: “if you could give me …”); this additional signal gently & politely announces, “Incoming question!”
any: meaning “any possible” or “if you happen to have any”; the speaker does not assume the listener has suggestions to offer, which lowers expectations and helps lighten a request.
might: conditional modal, with an implied “if”: if you happen to have ideas, if you can think of anything spontaneously, if you would be willing to share your thoughts.
In most routine situations in the USA, you’ll probably receive warmer and more thoughtful responses to your requests if you limit small talk, get to your point relatively quickly, choose words that burden YOU instead of the other person, and soften your wording with a few “if”s, “might”s & “any”s!
This article is a revised version of an earlier post that appeared in NYU’s English Language Institute blog on April 16, 2021.
What’s the Big Deal About Small Talk?
April 8, 2021
“I see you’re wearing a Yankees cap. Are you a baseball fan?”
This is small talk: a useful conversation-starter, or just an add-on to “Hi, how are you?” Notice the comment (“Yankees cap”) + question (“you a fan?”) structure — we’ll come back to that soon when we discuss techniques.
But first — why bother reading about small talk? After all, you probably do it naturally with people you want to interact with. That’s great … but remember those awkward times when you wanted to interact with someone but couldn’t think of the right thing to say?
Small talk can be a BIG challenge for anyone facing new or anxiety-inducing situations, including many key moments in our careers. And small talk can be a BIG deal in relationship-building: people prefer to socialize and do business with others they feel comfortable with, and this sense of comfort can be established & maintained through light conversation that feels natural and builds rapport.
So strengthening your small talk skills can enhance your personal & professional encounters. Here’s a simple formula that can remind us what small talk is, and what it’s for:
small talk = SHOWING INTEREST
You may ask: What if the person or situation is too new to make me feel “interested” yet?
I hear you! That’s why the key word SHOWING is helpful. Showing interest can come from (a) having genuine interest and expressing it … or (b) making an effort: finding something — anything — to comment on!
In the “Yankees cap” example, (b) is likely to apply to me, as I’m not a Yankees fan; I’m not even a baseball fan, and I have no natural interest in discussing baseball or baseball hats … but hey: I’m making an effort by noticing something and remarking on it!
You may ask: What if the person or situation is too intimidating or tense, and I feel literally frozen?
I know — I’ve been there too! Sometimes we have to “break the ice” before showing interest. (The “ice” in this idiom indicates the initial frozen state of a new social situation; the awkward paralysis of people together not communicating.)
One of the easiest ways to break the ice is asking about the weather. This works even for remote video-conferencing and phone calls:
“How’s the weather where you are?”
Notice this question doesn’t even require knowing where the other person is, which makes it very easy to use. It leads naturally to discussing where the other person is, where you are, and suddenly the “ice” is broken, the conversational stream is flowing, and now you can show interest!
“I heard you say you’re from Italy. What part of Italy are you from?”
That’s another example of the comment + question structure. Comments set context for questions, and sometimes even prompt them: I may say “you’re from Italy” without knowing what else to say … and “What part?” naturally emerges!
And by adding space between questions, comments create more comfortable pacing: focus on me (comment); then you (question); me; then you. And you, I hope, do the same! Asking questions only turns small talk into an interrogation, which can be unpleasant for your partner.
The “Italy” example features an information question (“What part?”), which unlocks more conversational potential than most yes/no questions do. Information questions — those beginning with who, what, where, when, why, which, how — elicit specific and often revealing responses. In contrast, yes/no questions may result in one-word answers: “Yes.” Or “No.” And nothing more!
As your small talk warms up, think of simple questions — especially information questions and yes/no questions with like — to follow up on what your partner says:
— “Did you like growing up there?”
— “Oh really? Why?”
— “When was that?”
— “Where was that?”
— “That’s interesting; and then what happened?”
— “Wow! How did you handle that?”
Follow-ups are short, easy to generate, and more fun to answer. Since they demonstrate you’re listening and showing interest, they encourage meaningful conversation and transform small talk into real engagement.
A version of this article appeared as a post in NYU’s English Language Institute blog on April 1, 2021.
A Good Time for Writing
December 4, 2020
With the current pandemic prompting restrictions on public gatherings and onsite classes, we’re all more physically separated from each other. Devising your own independent study activities can be a reassuring way to engage with the world … and keep your joy-of-learning flame burning.
Communicating at a distance means that writing is probably playing a more significant role in your life: you may be composing more text messages, emails, and written assignments than ever before. As your need to write increases, along with enforced time alone, consider refining your writing skills with the help of the best teachers: good writers.
Start from the source: books, stories, articles, and other texts that you find interesting and well-written. The “you” part here is important: allow your own preferences, feelings, and instincts to guide you. This is a chance to explore writing that is meaningful to you — NOT what someone else chooses for you or claims you “should” read.
Notice sentences that make an impression on you. Did you like one particular part of a piece you just read? Did the opening page of a novel have a mysterious or magical effect on you? Did your boss or teacher write something so useful or clear that you’d like to emulate their technique?
Re-read those sentences carefully. What did you like so much? Why do you think so?
The answers to these questions can lead directly to improving your own writing skills, but you’ll need to exert some energy. Are you ready?
If English is your second language, try a back-translation — a challenging but effective self-directed activity:
a) Translate several well-written English sentences or paragraphs into your first language.
b) Wait a few days (or longer) so you can forget the details of the original English.
c) Without looking at the original text, translate your translation back into English.
d) Compare your English translation with the English original, notice the differences … and learn from them!
Back-translation is a simple idea, but doing it takes commitment and effort! So limit your first attempt to just a few sentences that really interest you: a short excerpt that struck you as useful, meaningful, or beautiful.
The final step — comparing your back-to-English translation with the original — will show you how you can improve your written English. You’ll notice differences in word choices, sentence structures, and punctuation & style elements that you can immediately apply to your next writing task. Pay special attention to aspects of the original that you did NOT include or incorporate fully in your translation: these oversights will show you what you need to learn, as opposed to what you’re already good at.
One rewarding aspect of this comparative analysis is that you choose the material and you manage the process yourself. The text is the key, the writer is your virtual teacher, and you are in the driver’s seat. Drive on … and enjoy the journey!
A version of this article appeared as a post in NYU’s English Language Institute blog on December 1, 2020.
Listening to Well-told Stories Online
April 27, 2020
With so much content on the internet to use for refining your English language skills, the choices can seem overwhelming! One site to include in your listening diet is The Moth (TheMoth.org), a public radio program / website / podcast dedicated to storytelling: people tell true personal stories in front of a live audience. Like moths drawn to a flame, we humans are powerfully attracted to stories told “around the campfire” (actual or proverbial), so a storytelling-focused site is likely to entertain and enlighten YOU … as you hone your listening skills.
Here are some tips on using Moth stories for language practice:
-1- Visit TheMoth.org and browse the most recent episode of The Moth Radio Hour (“See This Episode”), which usually includes 3-4 stories: scroll down to see titles, storytellers’ names, and one-sentence summaries. The length of each story is listed in minutes:seconds (e.g., 12:47). Browse other links on the site to find additional programs and stories.
-2- Some — but NOT most — stories offer a transcript, which can help you confirm your comprehension and study details like new vocabulary. When you use a computer and link to a story title, a “Read Transcript” link may appear below, along with the more common links “Listen Now” and “Add to Playlist.” You can also search the site for the key word “transcript” — a list of stories with transcripts will appear.
-3- Consider borrowing a “The Moth Presents” transcript book from the library, featuring full scripts of popular stories: the two latest editions are Occasional Magic (2019) and All These Wonders (2017). You can look over the first part of a transcript to identify a story you like, and then locate the audio at TheMoth.org. To vary your practice, listen to stories with — and without — the transcript.
-4- Listen to the first 2-3 minutes of a story to discover whether you like the content and speaker’s voice — if you’re not interested within 3 minutes, try a different story.
-5- When you find a story that interests you, listen to all of it … and then listen again for details you missed the first time. If possible, use a transcript to study new vocabulary in detail.
-6- When you’re familiar with the content, use the story AGAIN for pronunciation practice by playing it phrase by phrase: PAUSE after each short phrase (a short sentence, or one part of a longer sentence), REPEAT it ALOUD … play the next phrase, PAUSE, and repeat!
-7- If you like The Moth and want to receive the latest programs and episodes on your smartphone, subscribe to the podcast version.
Although professional performers sometimes appear on The Moth, most storytellers are ordinary people who have compelling stories to tell: their “pitches” are screened by Moth staffers, and if they’re selected to perform, storytellers receive tips and coaching on effective ways to present their stories. The result for YOU is well-told tales that may make you laugh, cry, or both … and worthwhile content to help you enhance your own English language skills!
This article originally appeared as a post in NYU’s English Language Institute blog on March 18, 2020.
Building Your Writing Skills
April 26, 2020
You’re not going to magically become a better writer just by reading. After all, would you expect to become a better speaker just by listening? If you want to build your writing skills, you have to do one thing: write! Doing assignments for a class is important, and revising after receiving feedback is especially important. But if you really want to improve your skills, challenge yourself to write regularly … not for class, but for yourself. Give yourself writing tasks:
Try a back-translation — a challenging but effective self-directed activity (follow the steps for this process outlined in my post “A Good Time for Writing”).
Keep a writing journal: Write for 15-30 minutes every day, no matter what. Write about anything that comes to mind; if nothing comes to mind, write about nothing coming to mind! It’s good language practice, and writing about “nothing” is still writing; after a few minutes, the very act of writing can stimulate your idea flow. Journal writing can improve your abilities to organize your thoughts and express yourself precisely, abilities that apply to both writing and speech.
Self-Dictation: Choose an article or story you enjoyed, and record your voice reading it aloud, and then play back the recording as a self-dictation. Write each sentence, pausing or replaying the recording in the same way a teacher delivers a dictation in class. Finally, check your spelling and punctuation against the original text. Regular dictations/self-dictations will improve your writing skills.
Copy good sample paragraphs and entire essays or other documents: Get deeply acquainted with a writer’s word choices and sentence structures. The text you choose serves as your “tutor” — it demonstrates good writing, and you absorb the lesson well because you’re doing it … not just thinking about it.
As a learning tool, copying is not taboo! If you consider a particular sentence, paragraph, or essay well written, analyze what makes it well written. If you want to learn to write like that, copy it! Copying is a natural way to learn any craft. Most human skills are acquired largely through imitation: artists copy masters to learn their techniques; musicians practice the works of other musicians and composers; babies learn to speak by imitating adults; second-language learners imitate first-language models. Unfortunately, the taboo against copying other people’s ideas inhibits many student writers from using copying as a tool for building writing skills. But this kind of copying is entirely different from plagiarism; private writing practice exercises are not the same as false public presentations of others’ ideas as your own. Copying is a natural way to boost your writing competence.
Follow Good Examples
Start noticing how writers write. When you like a piece of writing, examine it closely. What part did you like the most? Why? Did you like certain words/phrases, or the simplicity or complexity of a particular sentence? What kinds of sentence structures impressed you?
In addition to pieces by professional writers, documents written by your boss, your teachers, your faculty advisor — anyone whose writing you’d like to emulate — are worth considering. And be sure to examine published articles, brochures, websites, and reports that relate to your field or specialty. Such documents may serve as excellent models for your own professional writing. Imitate good models — not just by reading them, but by moving your fingers: respond to them in your writing journal, record and use them for self-dictations, or copy them!
Avoiding Writer’s Block
April 26, 2020
The Writing Process
Do you suffer from writer’s block — the inability to write when you desperately want or need to write? If so, you may be mixing your two distinct roles as creator and critic.
Writing requires creative efforts (planning and drafting) and critical efforts (reviewing, refining, checking, and changing). These two efforts complement each other when applied at different times, but compete with each other when applied at the same time. Writer’s block often results from trying to create and criticize simultaneously. It’s as if two parts of our brain were at war with each other!
Creativity is about “What if…” “How about…” “Let’s try…” “Maybe…” “Yes!”
Criticism is about “That’s awkward.” “Too simple.” “Doesn’t work.” “Not right.” “No!”
For a smoother, more enjoyable writing experience, and to help yourself produce your best writing, separate your creative efforts from your critical efforts. The next time you’re facing a professional, academic, official, or creative writing task, try this approach:
CREATE
-1- Plan
-2- Draft
Take a break!
CRITIQUE
-3- Refine
-4- Check
Here are some thoughts on each step in the process:
A. CREATE
1. Plan: Think, make notes, sketch, outline, or roughly map out your basic ideas. Focus on your purpose — why are you writing this particular document? What do you want the reader to understand? What is your main message? What are other key points you want your reader to know? If you’re stuck, try five minutes of freewriting.*
*Freewriting means writing whatever words and thoughts come into your mind — without editing at all. Such freestyle writing can be completely off the topic: irrelevant personal thoughts, disorganized sentences, even silly ideas. Sentences like “Well, I’m supposed to write but I have no idea how to start” are welcome. This technique helps some writers establish a connection between their natural thoughts and the artificial act of writing. After a few minutes, more relevant ideas will flow and the paralysis of writer’s block will be broken!
2. Draft. Focus on your goal and purpose. Don’t think too much about writing well — it’s too early in the process to worry about being clear, concise, courteous, complete, or correct. Let your ideas flow into your fingers spontaneously, roughly, awkwardly, messily, and quickly.
* * * STOP. Take a break. You need to relax your creative engine and let a calmer, more critical perspective return. Even a 3-minute break will help you see your rough draft with a fresh eye. Don’t mix the creative and critical processes. * * *
B. CRITIQUE
3. Refine: Review and revise. Move sentences, paragraphs, and entire sections. Take another break and do it again. Put yourself in your reader’s place and slowly read from the beginning: are the order and flow of your ideas logical and clear? Are your paragraphs easy to read? Are your sentences easy to understand?
If not, rewrite, rewrite, rewrite — several times, if necessary. Professional writers rewrite extensively, so how can you expect not to rewrite? Ask another person to review and comment on your revised draft.
4. Check: Only when you’re sure your latest revision is the best possible one, make final adjustments and edits. Finally, check for spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors. Discipline yourself to postpone this final check until the last possible moment. If you do it too early, you may be wasting your time, as your refining efforts (Step 3) may not be complete, and you may end up rewriting entire sections of your draft.
* * * * *
Try to apply this process to your next writing task. The most profitable part is the first one: planning. Most people want to get writing tasks done as quickly as possible, so they begin writing what they think will be their final version. If they’re wise, they begin to realize that what they’re writing is just a first draft, which will need refining and checking.
Planning allows you to discover, organize, and structure your ideas in advance to save time in drafting, not spend extra time! Give yourself the gift of planning, and know that your initial “writing” is really drafting — and you’ll immediately become a better writer.
Learn with Lloyd! 